its pain
8:14 p.m.

i love you.

hah.

how many minds, sould, hearts, lives, dollars, dreams

have been lost to that statement?

i love you.

i said it first. the capital number one rule, and i broke it. but i break all my rules for you.

dont i jaromy?

WHY WONT YOU LOVE ME

you allude to it, your actions scream it, i can hear it sometimes when you breathe softly and think i dont notice...you even said it that one time after i'd held your hand through a stomach ache.

im the one with a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach now.

somewhere down the line you stopped needing me. and i didnt do the same. this hurts. this is going to hurt even more. i know it. but being without you is holding my breath.

nothing is greater than the empty ache that is sitting in my chest. that bland thudding noise that overcomes my heart when i know im not goign to talk to you or after ive hung up the phone and you dont say you love me.

its because you dont.

no, dont protest. dont look at me and tell me in beign dramatic. dont scrunch your face up and tell me im being a girl again. you dont love me.

im comforting. im your friend. i make you happy.

but none of that is love. none of that will make you give your heart to me.

i used to really think so jaromy. but when we get to school, itll fall apart.

people whe are together dont make it, so why the hell would we be any different.

I DESERVE BETTER THAN YOU.

i deserve someone who wants to be with me. soemone who wants more than to just rob me of my compansionship and offer me NOTHING in return. ive made this too easy for you. its my turn.

except that without your voice, i cant breathe.

im crying again, its not your fault.

its never your fault. is it?

i love you

i hate you

goodnight.

ill call you tomorrow

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