Jim #4 the end
9:20 p.m.

Dear Jim:

I think this is the first time in my life, that things have worked out exactly how I wanted them to. It's amazing to be able to look back at the last year and a half, and realize how far the two of us have come. As friends...and finally this year, as more than that. I was finally brave enough to really tell you that I still liked you. And I was amazed...downright astounded when you said that you still liked me too. And then finally...we were together. It took me awhile to settle into the idea, and even longer to realize that after a year of being almost completely single because I still wanted you, I had you. It's perfect. Homecoming was great. I was wearing a dress that I was absolutely in love with, and I was with the only person who I had wanted to share that night with. You.

It's still amazing to me, that after waiting for you and waiting for you, and accepting that maybe you would never be mine, I got you. I once that I wasn't going to tell you how I felt, because I thought you didn't want to hear it. But you wanted to hear maybe as much as I did. I am happy with you. I love you so much.

According to my friends...whose opinions have absolutely no value when it comes to you, our relationship is "slow". But I don't think it is. I like how we are. My friends don't really understand that it's not about what we "do" it's just about being together. I don't listen to anything they say, even if they do like you, because they aren't me. I would never completely disregard my friends opinions for anyone but you. I know somehow, that I can completely trust you, and except for Melissa, I can't do that with any of them. Each of them has hurt me in some way...and hurt me bad enough that a part of me will never really listen to them and never want to.

Yes, I will admit that in the past you have hurt me, and very deeply, but never in a way that betrayed my trust or faith in you. When it really mattered, you have always come through for me and been there for me. I can only hope that I am doing the same for you.

Thank you for helping me through last March when my Grandpa died. Thank you for being there for me when I found out I was going to have surgery, and for understanding why I cried, and how much losing swim for the time being ruined me. Thank you for making me 10 times less nervous about the actual surgery...and for filling me with such love and hope before it happened. For writing me a letter that I read all the time just to remind myself that I am not alone. For visiting me when it was over, and telling me I looked great, even though I didn't. For the bear. The bear is my little peice of you that lights my heart when I see it. Most of all thank you for putting up with me losing my mind, and at times losing hope. Thank you for being everything to me, and make me keep everything in focus. Thank you for giving me the will to try, for making everything seem important. Thank you for the way you kiss me, and the way you make me feel when you do. Thank you for holding me in your arms, and sometimes, for letting me cry. Thank you for being my human stuffed animal, if only in theory.

I will always sleep better in your arms. I will always think of you whenever I watch Clue, or Batman. And of course, I will never ever again be afraid of Chucky.

I love you Jim. I finally have you...and it still seems like a dream. You are the greatest guy in the world, and I don't know what I would do without you.

Love always and forever

Ashley

P.S. as a retraction from my first letter to you on here, Erik will never mean more to me than you will. 20 years from now, I will remember you, not him.

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