one more letter to matt
8:44 p.m.

To Whome It Will NEVER Concern:

I don't know why i do it. WHY i rush through things just so I can get home to talk to you. WHY i cry in anguish to see you put on your away message before my mouse even moves. WHY i scream at Fate for torturing me with your kind, but empty, touch. It's almost like i'm fighting conformity, here. Nobody's on my side. Nobody would want to understand me, because morality rules consciousness. It's hard being "the other girl" you know.. Not that I'd know... but it's very hard.

It's BAD absolutely BAD when I hope my friends ask your friends out, so you and I can go just as friends. Yes, i felt you lift me up, not just physically, but emotionally, spiritually out of this tiny cave I had built for myself.

And while that cave was dark, dank, and cold, it was still MY cave. the cave i hid in from the world's troubles. the cave i hadn't been out of for a very, very, long time.

the cave i didn't really want to come out of. but you, and your strong, muscular, "iron-grip" hands pulled me out into the bright, stark, glaring day. the day i wasn't really ready for. the day i could only be forced to see. i didn't ASK you to do that. you just DID. you wouldn't LET me control it.. now, you've left, and i can't go back to the cave. i've seen the bright light, now i can't function in the dark. But, the light still seems awfully bright.

You did this to me.

I thank you, Matt. For, even though, you forced these feelings out of me, they're happy feelings that should have been released a while ago. If only I could thank you, but for those who'd listen to me, for those who'd understand this letter to you, they'd gasp in shock at my immorality. Why did Fate torture me, with you having a girlfriend? I shudder to wonder why we were brought together at all.

But,

Thank you.

~Free Spirit~

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