hanging up the phone
12:42 a.m.

Dear J.T.

Asshole. At least I�m trying. How the fuck can�t you relate to your girlfriend of 5 years? How can you just sit there silent on the phone? Why would you call her if you had no intention of talking to her? Protocol. I know you love me. I don�t want to have to just know it sometimes. That would be nice, you know? This is why we broke up last year. I need affection. I need attention. I don�t care if I sound like a four year old. I need someone to answer me when I ask a question and at least pretend to be interested in the things I say. I don�t care if you don�t know who the people are. You know what? You would know them if you ever visited me. Just once. Broke yourself out of your stale little routine and took the time to do something to melt my heart a little. You already know that it�s yours. You�ve known that from the start. Maybe once in a while you could show me that you�re glad it�s yours. Hey, you know what you could do right now? You could pick up your phone that�s always low on batteries and call me. Just call me, tell me you�re sorry and you love me and you�re just in a bad mood. I don�t care if that�s a flimsy excuse. That�s ok. Just put forth the effort to pick up your stupid phone and show me that I am worth something to you. Guess you�re not going to. Fine. You know what I�ll do? I�ll do laundry, that�s what. I don�t even need to do laundry. I am washing things I�ve only worn for half an hour. But maybe on the way to the laundry room, I�ll bump into someone who cares about me enough to ask what�s wrong and really care about the answer. And maybe we�ll talk for a long time. And you know what? No matter what I say or who I say it to, I�ll probably come to the same conclusion. That I love you and I miss you and you do the same for me you just show it in a funny way sometimes and I should just be patient with you because the last thing I ever want to do is lose you again because god that was hell on earth not having you, even if you are an asshole sometimes and I wonder how I put up with you I never wonder why.

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