3-15-02
1:12 a.m.

to the boy i have horrible luck with--

what is going on between us? is there an "us"?

you hugged me the last time we saw each other. i could feel the sweat beneath your clothes and i could smell it coming off of you. that nice animal smell.

i wanted that moment to last forever. me with my head buried in your shoulder and you with your arms wrapped around me.

i got your number and promised i would call you. i called you the next day and you got my number. i said i'd call and tell you when to come over. i called. you weren't home. you broke my heart and ruined my night.

a boy had his arm wrapped around my friend and i had no one. all i had were broken promises and the memories of friday night.

i called your house again, a week later. you're not home. you're on vacation. that's grand. you get back the day i leave. even better.

i called your house from the airport. you still weren't home.

what is going on? i don't know if i should keep trying or give up. you seemed interested, but i'm starting to wonder if your parents think i'm stalking you.

i had a dream about you, you know. we were in your bedroom making out. then we rolled around on your floor and laughed.

i wish that could happen... i really do.

maybe i'll call you when i get back and see if you want to hang out.

-you called me your number one fan

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