gone without a trace
12:00 a.m.

Dear You,

You left me.

It's hard for me to believe it but it's so utterly true that i am forced to recognize it for what it is.

You left me. I needed you to stay and you didn't.

You went with HER to a bar half a block away to do exactly what you had both been doing at the restaurant where we all work. Your shifts were both over, but mine is always the last to end and after all those nights you've waited you just LEFT. It's not the fact that you left with her that makes this quiet whirlpool of rage begin churning inside my gut, because I know you two are friends and that you like the same kinds of things and that you hang out...it's the fact that you knew I was having a bad night, and you knew i wasn't feeling well, and you knew that you, me and her were the last ones left in the whole restaurant, and you knew that i would sooner DIE than admit that I NEED someone to wait with me and YOU LEFT ME alone holding hundreds of dollars of the night's cash to wait by myself for the boss in an empty beach restaurant.

Was it because I wasn't being amusing? Was it because I had had a bad night? Was it because your heart was acting up and you felt sick? Or was it because I let you kiss me last night?

Well fuck my attitude, fuck your heart, and fuck your kisses. I can't believe you left me. And though I probably won't say anything to your face because I don't want things to get tense at work (my job is already too stressful, as is yours) I will never forget this night and the silence of an empty bar, and the feel of cash clenched in my fingers, and the knowledge that when it comes right down to it I guess i really am just another one of your "girls" though not anymore.

When you left i was liberated.

<< - >>