Dear Raver (again)
3:05 p.m.

Dear Raver,

I've written and rewritten this thing a million times and each one just doesn't feel right. I don't know what I want to tell you, but I know I must tell you something.

You've made me cry almost every night this week. Did you know that you're the only boy who has ever made me cry so much, and it wasn't only this time that I cried because of you. I cried once when you left me for that bitch that broke your heart, I cried when she hurt you, I cried when you wanted to die and the world just wasn't treating you right. I was so afraid for you then, not wanting you to die. John had just died around that time and you were wondering why it wasn't you in that car instead.

You knew how broken up I was about him, and yet you still said you wanted to be where he was. It was so selfish, so inconsiderate of my feelings; I don't know anyone who could have hurt me more at that time.

Then to top it off you forgot about me, three times, left me stranded without a ride...

Yet, I still cared for you, I forgave you when you said you were sorry, because I know you're not the type of guy to hurt me on purpose. You said that you did care, even though you barely showed it, I believe you.

Then this week... this week has been torture.

When you told me you liked me, I thought that the little hope I had of us getting together wasn't in vain... but now I'm not so sure if I should have kept that hope. Maybe I wouldn't be in so much pain if I hadn't.

I know you have so many things going on in your mind, your old feelings for that bitch that broke you heart, making that girl you don't like go away, the girl your trying to get with, and then me.

I don't get what the hell is up with you though, I wish you would figure things out, because you're just hurting me more and more as each minute goes by. Because on your path to self-discovery, you've been trampling all over my heart. Just tell me. I feel like I'm your back up girl, like if things with her don't work out, or she won't go out with you, then you'll just go out with me.

You did rank her before me in your sorting of problems, so I'm guessing that you're going to just go after her.

I wouldn't be hurt so much if you would just tell me what's going on in that head of yours. I'll still be your friend no matter what the outcome, I couldn't bare to loose you as a friend, and I hope I never will, but at the number of times you made me cry I cannot count.

All you have to do is tell me what is going on in your head... just tell me what you want to do with all these chicks fawning over you. Just tell me. I won't cry in front of you if you say it's not me, I won't hate you if you say it's not me. I'll be okay, but I'm tired of defending you from my friends. That already don't respect you because of the pain you've caused me...

How hard is it to tell me what you want?

I wish I knew... I wish so much when it comes to you...

Lost and Tearful,

~Forgotten Tear~

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