just friends.
3:30 p.m.

i thought last night was going to be great. you and i talked in front of mcdonald's in the cold for thirty minutes. you made your stupid jokes and i laughed at them. you talked about her and i wanted to punch you in the face.

after a while it started to get cold. i asked what we were going to do and nobody had an idea so i said "why don't we go back to my house and watch movies?" it sounded like a good plan so we got into our cars and drove.

we wondered why you were slowing down, but we passed you anyway. when we got to the stop light and you turned right instead of going straight i thought i knew where you were going. you were going to her house... and you did.

i cursed all boys in the car. fuck you for liking her and ignoring me. fuck me for liking you knowing you liked her. fuck me cos i suck at life.

the doorbell rang five minutes after we got home. i heard only one voice and i was expecting two. it wasn't even yours. my friend mumbled something about you being tired and wanting to go home.

then it all made sense. you really did want to be "just friends" with me... i thought he had been lying to me all along. that night i figured out he was telling the truth. that night i figured out how totally hopeless it was for me.

it honestly wouldn't annoy me if the two of you were going out but you're not. if you were i'd see that you were together and i wouldn't want to break it up. only the reality is that you aren't together and you never will be cos her parents won't let her and here i am, the poor underdog in this story, who never gets a bone thrown to her. i'm just waiting here for you. i'm ready and willing, but you seem to be stuck on someone else.

too bad you can't see anything past her. she's the bull's eye on your target and i'm the outer ring that nobody wants to hit. i'm the black jelly bean that nobody wants but that always comes in a pack. i'm the sucky opening band that everybody boos off the stage.

you just want to be friends.

i'll have to accept that for now. you're too cool of a guy to label an asshole and never speak to again. we had a good time at macdonald's when you weren't talking about her and i'd like to hang out with you some more.

just know that i'll be here when you need me.

xoxo,
me

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