just like a prayer
9:00 p.m.

Dear J:

The phone mocks me, I think, as it lies dormant on the wall and stares and stares and stares without ever making a sound. I shouldn't be here , my heart should be a dead and gone thing. Something which once was, but now isn't. And yet these fleeting moments of glee threaten to ruin me. And the phone. the phone. the phone just smiles and invites me to pick it up. to call you. to open my arms to the loving embrace of something that i thought i was done with.

.

Though I want to, there are things that hold me back. things that make me wonder. things that make me want to scream and break something between my teeth like some carnivorous and ravenous version of myself. always tossed between what i want, what i need, and what is right and should be.

i'm tired, and Madonna's playing on the stereo.

Love,

D