Stop talking and listen
6:21 p.m.

Dear E,

I wonder how you're doing, what you're doing now. Whether you're okay. Whether you'll ever be okay.

It's been a little while now since we ended our friendship, but I don't mind admitting that I miss you, that I think about you sometimes, about old times and the way things were in the beginning. I'll hear a certain song and lose myself to nostalgia for a little while, remembering good times, when we were two girls who could take on anything or anyone and WIN. But it wasn't real, was it?

I've gone on as if your rejection, the way that you treated me, didn't matter, but it did. One of the people that I trusted most turned on me and bit a chunk out of me. Can you really blame me for cutting you out of my life like a cancer? It was something that had been growing for a while. Maybe even right since the very beginning. Despite what I had wanted our friendship to be, you resented me right from the start. Why couldn't I see it was all wrong? Why did I allow things to go this far? We didn't have a friendship. I was just convenient.

Once, it seemed as if we were the closest of friends, but I see now that you do this a lot, adopt someone as your latest 'bestest bud' and then throw them away once you've taken all they have to give. It's just one of the symptoms of whatever the hell is wrong with you. You seek attention, you're high maintanance, you're a drama queen. You're selfish, egocentric and destructful. But you were once my friend and I loved you.

You need professional help. You need to try to resolve some of your shit and really live. Stop blaming others for your issues and your f*ck ups - the only person responsible for the long trail of devastation behind you is you. I know that you don't care what others think of you.. but how do you look at your own face in the mirror? Don't you hate what you see?

I see now that I wanted to try to help you, to mend you, patch you up and send you out whole. But it wasn't what you wanted. You can't see the cracks and breaks in your own walls, and don't seem to care if you crumble and how many people you hurt or anger. Loving you and trying to take care of you didn't work, so here's my parting shot. Two words.

Grow up.

S

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