what goes around...
3:13 p.m.

Dear You:

I can't believe this has finally happened to me. It sort of snuck up on me in the dark but it has finally happened, I think.

I'm getting what I deserve.

All of the misery, all of the heartache, all of the loneliness and uncertainty that I have caused thoughtlessly in other people throughout my dating history has arrived at my feet. I am consumed by the thought of you...and i can't explain why.

I go to bed at night...i think of you. i wake up in the morning...and i think of you. i eat my breakfast...think of you. i go to school, i fill my gas tank, i sit at this computer and think of you.

what am i supposed to do with this irrational obsession? i know that i can't call you and it makes me want to cry...or scream...or both. and i can't stop replaying our nights together in my head over and over. was it as perfect as i remember?

this must have been what it was like for all those boys i jerked around when i was younger. i used to be a devil girl. one of those heart wrenching bitches with no remorse and no concern for anyone other than myself. and guys used to call me, and they used to talk about me...about how heartless and cold i was...about how i just couldn't understand what it was really like to like someone...and not be able to stop.

well now i know.

and i wish i could tell all of them how sorry i am.

<< - >>