apologies might not mean a thing
6:15 p.m.

Dear Christopher,

You will never know how much I love you. If, by some miracle, I was given the chance to tell you, I doubt you would believe me.

I admit, what I did I didn't do out of love for you. I did it out of fear. I knew I could never give you the life you deserve.

But I do love you, even though you're gone, even though, really, you don't exist. Maybe it's not really you that I love, but a dream. Of course it's a dream. The dreams in which I watch you grow up. The dreams that won't ever come true. The dreams that wouldn't have come true even if I'd decided to go through with it. Dreams in which you are so warm and bright. I love you so much, and I'm so sorry.

Love,

Your mother

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