Vent to Pippa
9:39 p.m.

Pip,

I am feeling quite pissed off with you at the moment, and I don't think I can tell you. You have been there a lot for me when I've needed you over Peter and stuff, and so in return I feel I should be there for you. Worshipped as you are by all your friends, I find I am walking on eggshells when I want to say something negative about you, because everybody loves you. Everybody loves you, and you are so beautiful, and yet you still can't believe it. I sometimes think you HAVE to be just saying the things you do to get compliments, because why can't you SEE how you look? It's so frustrating! You are so intelligent that I don't understand why you are like you are when it comes to blokes.

Being dumped on Sunday was not nice, and I felt sorry for you and wanted to be with you. You sounded so upset. I realised of course, that while it is a horrible thing to be dumped, you were really only upset because you think he did it because you're ugly or something. Later that night, when you went out and slept with someone else, I was actually disgusted. Perhaps I shouldn't take it so personally, but I felt like you'd thrown all my support back in my face, and that you didn't really love Dylan anyway to go out and sleep with Jamie the same day! It's really none of my business I suppose. You just wanted someone else to tell you, to reassure you, that you are beautiful. I wish you could see.

I know you will be able to understand this point of view, but it won't affect your behaviour even if you were to get this letter. You will still carry on being totally neurotic. I want to help you, but I can't unless you help yourself, and you don't want to.

It wouldn't bother me so much if I wasn't going out of my way to come down there to be with you tomorrow, and you're now acting like you don't care if I do or not, because you've got jamie now. I am seriously considering not coming. Despite all our talk of what we'll do this week, I somehow think it will be more a case of me being in the way of what you really want to do. If i ask you if you still want me there, you will tell me not to be stupid. I might as well just come, but I will come home before Saturday if I have to.

There is so much more to life than worrying about blokes, about how you look for a bloke, about getting fat, about being single or getting dumped, or about stupid half-hearted marriages that you don't even feel anything for. PLEASE FUCKING WISE UP GIRL!!

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