To: Mr. McHotness
8:58 a.m.

did you make me happy?

did i make you happy?

even for a moment...

or was i just a space

an ear to listen

a mind to bend

i was

don't answer

you wouldn't anyway

you never loved me

you're just one big mass of confusion, desire and frustration

you are contradiction personified

i was right to leave you

you would've left me soon

we belonged together

didn't we?

we belong apart?

don't we

do i still want you...

when am i disgusted with you?

but then again, why is it that when your name comes up....

i get an uncontrollable emotion

i cant tell what it is

is it anger, fear, want

denial

i cant make you die

i cant put you away

i don't still love you

but i still FEEL

but you don't feel anything about me

im 'gullible'

that's how you put it

i still feel anger

you took my love

took it for granted

the best, truest love you had

your diamond in the sea of whores

you threw me away

you didn't love me like i deserved

i wasted myself on you

i hate you for that

but God, at one point i felt you loved me

i did

really

you know, i would've married you

yes you heard me

you pessimistic coward

i would have given all of myself to you

happily

i was your puppet

glad to be in your presence

you always had me like that

but you didn't care

you bastard

i spent hours agonizing over you

nights crying

three of them

and yet with a word you could make me forget all of it

your little control

always the gemini

you never gave me the one thing i wanted

your heart

your love

acknowledgment of hoe i cared for you

that's all i wanted you to do

oh yrs, your guitars

your analogies

beautiful little lies

pretty stories and nice words

they covered your lies

you never loved me

you would've given her up if you loved me

you would've been all right just you and me

you made me feel bad about wanting what is normal

you hear me

NORMAL

im not supposed to worry about you with other girls

did you know that?

i didn't

well fuck you

im with someone new now

someone who treats me like a queen

who loves me

who doesn't put down my childish notions of love

he love me, the woman

he recognizes the love and care i give

he wants me

but still....

why isn't he enough for me

because he's not you

i hate you for that

as wrong as you are

you became my heart

i hate you

i want to make you feel pain

i want to make you bleed inside

like i did

but nothing i do will phase you

pass your facade

you're unbreakable

im not

i hate you

youll always have some cutting word

some pointed phrase

something to cut me with

i do my best

it rolls off your back like you don't care

i hate you

you make me care

im struggling

i know it

one day i will be truly free of you

really

this ache will subside

it will leave

i wont need to hurt you

soon, nothing you do will affect me

there was a time i didn't know you

i will return to it

i will be me without you

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