"How the hours have racked and tortured me since I have lost thee!"
2:14 p.m.

Dear You,

I love you. You appeared in my life so briefly - at a drama class that lasted three months. You were Hungarian and sweet and a talented actress and a bit of a tomboy and beautiful. You played Sebastian, Viola's twin brother. Now, forever, for me, Sebastian will have your voice and a Hungarian accent. Your lovely voice... I cannot even describe it. A bit low, and somewhat sensual, and at the same time - cheerful and sensible. I stared at you and loved you. Why? You were not conventionally beautiful or very feminine. But you captivated and mesmerized me. One time, when I looked depressed, I guess, you walked up to me and you put your hands on my shoulders and you said, "Are you happy?" And you said my name! You knew my name! Randomly you asked me this and then walked away, and I was undone. I lived in a dream for the rest of the day. When I got home I wrote you a long, long love letter. It was many pages... but as soon as I was done I tore it up. I was afraid that you would simply say, "Well, I'm sorry, I'm not gay or bi," and you would not understand what I mean by love - love that is just love and nothing else, love for one human being - you. In my letter I talked about my nonbelief in sexual orientation - we fall in love with an individual and not with a sex. But you would regard this as manifest nonsense. Also I had a bad reputation at school at the time. You would not even want to be friends with me. You were a grade above me. You were graduating that year. All paths to you were closed. So I tried to forget about you. But sometimes I still wonder - what made you come up to me and say, "Are you happy?"

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