there you are, and here i am
2:08 a.m.

I want you back.

I know what I did was wrong. I live with that every day. I wish I could make it up to you somehow, make you happy. I wish I could make you happy, and not like this. Not by staying away, not with you being mad at me. I wish I could be with you. But I know that's not possible. I know you'll never be able to feel that way about me, no matter how hard I wish and pray.

I'm craving you so badly. You were my first love. Remember, in the letter? That's not something I just wrote in the heat of the moment. I've had a lot time to think about this, and I never once came to the conclusion that my love for you was wrong. Misguided in some places, yes. But love grows between people like us, too. Still, in my case, it's unrequited. Love for you, and love for anyone else --- as if there had ever been anyone else. My feelings have never been returned, but this time it mattered the most.

I want to hold you and call you "baby." I want you --- I want us --- to be a secret. I like secrets. I like to be different from everyone else. It makes things exciting, adds variety. But it's the difference that matters to me. The world has no expectations on us. All we have are our own.

All I would have, anyway, if I hadn't fallen for the wrong person.

So is this it? You never even said goodbye to me. Or "take care." We left it open, and although you have since moved on, I've been waiting. I've been waiting all this time, and I probably will still go on waiting.

Why are you so repulsed by me? If you could just open your mind, your heart...

This summer has been so weird. It's hasn't been hard or stressful. It's just...there's just been a lot of change. I feel very different from the person you used to know, very...displaced.

Stubborn, prideful, persistent. And still even more stubborn. This is what it means to be a man. Remember that? Remember that lecture?

Well, a broken-hearted man never gives up on love.

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