uncoordinated love
2:32 a.m.

dear heart,

i'm sorry i'm so scared all the time. lately i've been overwhelmed with dying things and it has made me self-reflect, and i feel like i'm killing you a little bit like the cancer is killing my grandfather's lungs.

it has spread to his lymph nodes.

i haven't dated in three years, except for a two month fling about a year and a half ago. for forever i've blamed loneliness, body descrepancies, anything. hated romance films, hated love songs. but i'm thinking that your heart grows flimsy if you don't use it to its fullest potential. my central venticle pumps blood and only blood. no romanticisms.

maybe it is time for a change. some love chemotherapy. maybe i can save you. he has a few months to live and i have my whole life.

love, brain and body

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