venting
8:07 p.m.

L,

i just wanted to tell you...i hate you. i truely do. each day you come into my class, and sit in the back cause the teacher lets you do that, and you still stare at me, and make noise. i hate the way you move, random and stiff. never smooth. your laugh always sounding so fake. ha your laugh is fake, just like your religion. you believe you are so in touch with god as if he touched you with his holy hand and you are the new annointed one, sinless, pure. but L, i know those dirty thoughts you have. you told me about them. i know those evil things you say when no ones around. you arent the christian you claim to be. you just like religion because it gives you something to keep you straight. you like that. you like having something to tell you right from wrong, good from back, what to wear, what to eat, where to go and what to do. i figured out why you like that strict structure to your life. because your mother treated you like that, making all the decisions. and now, you can make few on your own. so you are more comfortable in a structured enviornment. dont you know life isnt structured?! one day you will have to make your own decisions and i hope you dont let that stupid new girlfriend of yours make them for you, cause shes just as niave and blind as you are. L, geez quit being a loser and stand up for yourself. I dont see how we dated so long, my mom even said i was more of a man that you were. Such a wuss. at first i thought it was sweet...you sensitive, i liked that. then it just became utterly ridiculous nad i saw it as weakness. and yet you think you are so strong, you know everything and no one can prove you wrong. you only hear what you want to hear. only see what you want to see. i still remember the looks you gave me when i told you what i had been through in my life...all those stories you just couldnt believe and couldnt take in. i suppose you'll never know what life is truely about, and the things people actually go through. Now, i cant even stand the sight or thought of you. Perhaps its because i put so much faith in you, and you proved me horribly wrong. perhaps i hate you because i hate myself for putting up with you. but i just had to say, if you were no longer in my life, i wouldnt miss you a bit.

k

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