maybe i'm crazy
7:24 p.m.

dear k

i'm fine without having you around, i really am. it's just that whenever the subject of you comes around, i either start crying or want to scream. it's not right that a best friend for 8 years could be so horrible the whole time behind my back.

i know you. i know the things you do. you may as well be my sister. siblings know the little details that no one else knows. that's why i believe it when our other best friend that has never lied to me except the one time you begged her to, tells me what you say.

plus, after she slips the words out of her mouth she starts sticking up for you in this scared way that only someone who was covering for their best friend would.

that brings me to another subject

b-

why is it that you always fucking tell me about how you're so "hurt" about how me and k dont get along anymore and how horrible it is? i mean oh my gosh, you poor little thing, i feel soooo bad for you. i'm being facicious. then you say "and i'm sorry, but i like it because i get a lot of attension" my GOD girl, have you lost your mind? and you say this to me everytime the subject comes up.

you'd think a straight a, honor student would have a little more brain than to say such things.

back to k-

you tore my heart out. you're a friend, not a boy. only guys are allowed to make you fall in love with them and then rip your heart out. you, on the other hand made me come to love you more than anyone outside of my family, and THEN ripped my heart out.

we used to do everything together.

you were always over-i was always over there.

then your sister tells me that it's not the same and i should just get over it and be best friends with you again. but how can i do that when i know it'll just happen again?

we both know that this isn't the first time i've found out about things that you do behind my back, it's just the the only fight we had in our 8 years only lasted for 2 days, and that was the longest, the others lasted for maybe an hour.

i was always the one to say i was sorry for things i didnt do though. see, you cant say you're sorry. there's something within your heart that's pure hate and revinge. that's why we were so good together. i was the opposite. maybe i'm crazy, but i dont see anything as my fault. unless it's my fault that i have more friends than you and it makes you mad.

and then you go after j

that's just not right. but, you always do that. you always start liking the perfect guy i like and trying to make him not like me and try to talk to him 24/7 and try to pull him away just as things are getting perfect.

you want me to be soo jelous of you, and i'm sorry but it doesnt work. i only get upset with you. never jelous. no offense, but what is there to be jelous about? you have 1 friend pretty much, i dont know of any guy that truly likes you, you've lost all your old friends, you have horrible family life, and you've always got someone there to back you up when you do the wrong things.

maybe that's why you act the way you do. you know you'll always have that one person -b- to cover you when the storm blows through. someone who always stays with you. someone who's dependant on you, becuase she, is just like you besides the fact that she knows how to love.

maybe i'm just a loser and all of these things you do to me shouldn't make me cry. or, maybe-just maybe, you're the worst thing that's ever happened to me and everyone's pushing me back to you besides c.

she's a lifesaver. i love her so much. without her i wouldn't be the person i am today. she's opened me.

anyway....i wish i could just send this to you, but if i did you would start talking even worse behind my back, and to more people. plus, i'd hurt your feelings somehow and i'd feel bad about it.

i guess i'm pretty screwed up.

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