what i would say
3:13 a.m.

Reasons I've been thinking about you:

1) I was at my grandparents house in WA and it came up in conversation that the last time I was there you were there too.

2) On the way home there was this boy who looked an awful lot like you--or rather, how I remember you--on the plane. I'm sure he thought I was some pyscho, stalker grrrl with the way I kept staring at him. It was as if I'd seen a ghost.

3) It's my birthday in a couple of days and for some reason that reminds me of you too.

So, I started thinking about what I would say to you if I were to ever see you again. I would tell you about how much I've changed, about how clearly I see the world and life, about how even though its getting darker again i'm not as sad anymore, how I wrote a play partially based on conversations/experiences with you and it got a 3-night reading at a theatre here in town and will get produced as soon as I'm "finished" with it (entitled Raw Expedition), i'd tell you about how i've been asked to write another play about Abigail Adams which will have a full production in May, and how I've been acting and directing, then i'd tell you how i own a house now and have two dogs, how megan got married and lives in the upper of my house, how I started my own business, how my mom still wants me the live happily ever after with Mason even though he's living with his boyfriend in San Diego, and about how sick I've been lately and no one seems to know what's wrong with me, about how I tried to be a lesbian, but it just didn't take. So many things I would want to tell you.

And I would want to hear all your stories, about Europe, about your cryptic once upon a time e-mail that said you might be dying, about who you've fallen in and out of love with, about your family, and everything else that makes you who you are now.

And I wondered if I would even really recognize you if I saw you in some random place.

I wondered if you and I could possilby pretend we were first meeting each other and no past history existed. Wondered if we would be friends if it were the first time meeting each other.

Sometimes I need to get out your letters or see your picture to remember you were in my reality once upon a time. You are not just some story I fabricated in my head.

It seems like lifetimes ago you and I shared a bed. Lifetimes ago when we would scream at each other. Lifetimes ago when we would go dancing or make collages. Lifetimes ago when you left me.

I'm not trying to rekindle a friendship or anything like that. I just...well, I don't know. I guess I just wanted you to know I'm doing okay. And I hope you are doing okay as well.

All of me,

~protoplast

p.s. this was written and then sent via e-mail only to find the e-mail address i had was no longer valid.

<< - >>

how this works
add your entry
current letter
older letters
guestbook
notify list
profile
email
host
lex