scared to love
3:25 p.m.

Dear Association of Love,

I am sadly forced to write this letter to you. I've experienced events in the past that have lead me to believe you are to blame for what is going on with me. Please, I urge you to read my letter. After all, you're the ones who've fucked me up.

Why can't I love anyone? Why am I so scared to get close to a guy? These are questions I've often ask myself thinking I could find the answer. The sad truth is, I don't have an answer. You forgot to give me love for others. I don't know how but I just don't have it.

I want to feel so much for people and you forgot to give that to me. It hurts so bad not being able to love. Time after time I try, but I have to back away. It's like I start to hurt. I think I'm going to die if I get to close. I watch girl upon girl meeting a guy and becoming his girlfriend. I watch these couples, so happy. And myself, depressed. Because I don't know how to love someone. I don't know how to feel about a guy. I'm completly lost.

Now, you're probably thinking, "This isn't our fault, you just don't want to love someone." Not true. I have. God, how I have. It's always the same. I meet someone. Think I like them, and I do. We get close and all of a sudden, I need to stop. I need to not be with them. I need to not love them. No matter what I felt before, it doesn't matter.

I've always wondered why when I said "I love you" to my parents it never felt like much. Never felt like anything. How can you be so horrible to a person? How could you have forgotten this key element in a girls life?

I hate you for what you've done to me. I hate you for the fear you've put in me. I don't need to hurt more then I already do. I hate you for being me.

In closing, I've found someone, who I have a crush on. I'd like to request an application for some love, please. If I could get it before the end of next week, that be very helpful.

I thank you for your time, and I hope you're glad with what you've done.

-C

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