Before you broke my heart
9:19 p.m.

-Kevin

Yeah so I used your real name this time. Unlike the other 2 letters in here that were to you. But I really don't give a flying fuck right now. I'm all riled up and I need to vent.

You......You make me so mad at myself that I just wish somebody would come along and shoot me. Why did you play mind games with me like that? Why in the hell were you my best friend for 7 months? We all know that there HAD to be a reason, there HAD to be something you wanted out of it, because the good Lord knows that I wasn't NEAR good enough to be seen hanging around with you. So why the hell did you stick around for so damn long? And WHY, on EARTH, did you make me think you liked me? Why did you never answer me when I asked if you did? And WHY did you come on EVEN STRONGER to me after every time I confessed my love for you?!?! Especially if it meant NOTHING to you!

You say it did. You say that I was your best friend. I can't believe that, Kevin. There was something more there. We had something special, something that nobody else had. Something that nobody else ever will have.

And I just want to shoot myself in the head over you. You make me so fucking mad I could just explode or something.

Yeah...or something. The or something is my alternative. Like pretending that everything is ok and still talking to you on the phone even though you have a girlfriend now. I hope she treats you good. I hope she gives you everything I could have given you and more.

We're just starting to become friends again, after I told you that we had to quit being friends. I'm just starting to let you back into my life, after purposely forgetting you, after even forbidding my friends from saying your name. It's different now. You're in high school. It's not like either of us thought it would be.

We both made a dumb decision. You decided not to go out with me, because once you got into high school you thought I'd be the biggest nerd there and you would never hear the end of it.

I told you we couldn't be friends anymore because I thought that once you got into high school you'd be the biggest prep there and would just break off our friendship anyways.

We were both wrong about each other. Totally wrong. You see that I have a lot of friends....and I may not be in the highest social group, but I'm not the lowest, either.

I see that you don't have as many friends as I thought you would...and that first week at lunch when I saw you sitting by yourself I wanted to cry, come over to you, give you a big hug and tell you that I loved you and that everything was going to be ok.

But I didn't. I still pretended that you didn't exist.

And now you're making me ramble on in a letter that nobody is probably going to read because nobody wants to read a letter this long about a whiney girl going on and on about that one boy who broke her heart.

Only....you weren't just 'that one boy'. You're THE boy. The boy I'm in love with. And the boy I'll always be in love with.

You once told me that we were going to get married. And I asked you if you were serious. You said yes.

If only I could make you remember that promise. Maybe, just maybe things would go back to the way they were before.

Before you broke my heart.

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