understand?
11:36 p.m.

Someone told me today that i'm trying to be someone I'm not. I just want to say that nothing I do, absolutely nothing, is for the purpose of impressing someone else. Think of me what you will. Believe that if you want to. But my purpose in life is not to make you happy or impress you. I know that all this may come off a lot different than I mean it.

I personally know the reasons I've changed. It's been the influence of different people and ideas in my life. I really recommend that you read The Fountainhead, or read up on it, if for no other reason than to see where I'm coming from.

On the other hand, my goal is not to be "bad" or "mean". I am not a "bad girl". simply put. I was told I'm not the sweet, nice felicia anymore either. I don't see where that is coming from. Maybe I'm just not telling you everything you want to hear, which is what you are used to me doing.

The way I've changed (as I see it) is no more than growing up. Growing up and beginning to form ideas of the ways you should live your life, and becoming firm in those beliefs. Is there something wrong with that? I'm not hurting anyone. And I like myself. The only thing is that, there aren't many people out there who understand.

I'm sorry if I've offended you. I'm sorry if you think that because we are different that means we can't be friends. I'm sorry that growing up sometimes means growing apart.

Sometimes I feel like I've failed people. Like people expect so much out of me. If I'm not always smiling, that means there's something wrong. If I have a bad day, I must be in the middle of an emotional breakdown. I cant be complacent in my thoughts, satisfied. Like I'm not happy, but I'm so happy. give me a chance. Don't think that just because I might be a little tired and stressed, and I space out in the hallway and forget to wave and say HEY!!! that something is wrong. When you begin to push me away, in turn I do the same. And that is what makes me sad.

I want to just be. Why can't we all just be, all just get along. geez, life is too short to worry about this stuff.

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