Happy birthday, my dear.
4:34 p.m.

Happy birthday to the boy I love.

As I saw you walking towards the exit of school today, I wanted to run away. When you looked at me I lost all sense of my surroundings and only felt the suddenly quickened beat of my heart. My hands were shaking as I whispered the words "happy birthday" to you and handed you the card I had put all my heart into for the last month or so. And you walked away from me. And I walked away from you.

I didn't know how to feel. I wanted to say something to you. I wanted things to go as planned. But I couldn't do it. I couldn't say all the things I'd only dreamed of telling you. Because every dream of mine is held back by her, your girlfriend.

I was hoping at least today, I'd finally get to say something to you. Something worth remembering. But I can't. I'm scared of you. I'm scared of me when I'm with you. I've never let myself go with anyone else but you. I love you for that. You make everything seem right. And I couldn't even bring myself to tell you that much.

I am sitting here, wondering what you're thinking of me. I wonder if you've read my letter by now. I wonder if you came across the part where I wrote, "I have always cared for you". Or if you've finished it and read to where I signed off with the word "Love". I wonder if you hate me. I wonder if you let your girlfriend see it. Or rather, if she made you let her see it. I hope she doesn't hate me for being in love with you. I hope you don't hate me for being in love with you...

Just have a happy birthday, my dear. I hope to talk to you soon. For the very first time.

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