trying to be tough
3:44 p.m.

I want to be so tough.

I want to pretend that all of these things don't hurt me the way they do.

Especially, I don't want you to see.

If we could just go back to before it all happened, maybe I would see through it all.

But I should have known, in fact deep down somewhere, I think I did.

I know you are good for nothing but your game.

TRy to play it else where.

I played it for a year, always thinking I was such a strong player.

But you want to knwo why I was weak?

I was weak becasue I cared about you, I wasn't like the other girls, you were right.

I was genuine, what you saw was all real.

Too bad you didn't want anything to do with that.

Well in a moment of weakness I gave in, I gave you what you ultimatley wanted.

Here, let me help you out, another notch in your belt.

Does that make you feel like more of a man?

And somehow in all of my pain, you know I pretend it never happened right?

It became my fault.

Me and my big mouth, or at lesat that's what you say.

It's only my fault because it's hurting your game.

No one wants to play when they know it's a crash and burn situation.

You offer nothing but the best of that.

But the word is out, and spreading like wildfire, not by my doing.

but karma has a way of cathcing up.

If you think I feel good about what happened, you're wrong.

I don't go around telling everyone I know, but at least you can hurt one less girl.

And that is my victory.

I always thought that I was too good for guys like you, but than agian, I never thought you were one of those guys unitll the very end, when it was over.

Truth hurts.

NOw it's nothing, nothing except memories trying to be forgotten, a wasted year and occasioanl awkward run ins.

And by the way, it was bad, i told them that too.

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