le sigh..
9:29 p.m.

C,

I feel odd writing this but, I know exactly why I am. It's because I've been so sorry for so long. I could kick myself everyday for it. You have no reason to forgive me, I can't ask you to, I can't even forgive myself. I let distance come between us, then when we saw each other last summer, I got scared. When I get scared, I get even more quiet than I usually am. I was scared of a few things. The main thing was losing you as a true friend. It felt weird seeing you after all that time. And it's strange, but I'm really shy and quiet when I first get to know people, but then I open up, and can be myself. [Not that I know who I am anymore.] We were away from each other for awhile, so I lost that connection. I tried, I did. I don't know, C. I wanted to prove to you that I honestly cared about you, & I let you down. I'm sorry for failing yet again but, I'm letting you know you did NOTHING wrong I take ALL the blame, I broke a friendship, & I didn't even realize it until it was too late. Sometimes people learn things the hard way, I learned this the hardest way. Now its too late but, you should know, I'm aware of how bad I messed up and how sorry I am. There's some things I can't take back, this is one of them and it hurts. I just hope you read this & remember no one will ever compare to you & I'm sorry for being distant and cold, and letting you & myself down. You were honestly one of the best and true friends I've ever had. I've been trying to tell you this for quite some time now, and I would have called you instead, but I know I wouldn't have the guts to say this, and I'd end up crying. Please don't call me and say you understand, or you want to start over. I don't deserve that.

When everything falls apart, the emptiness leaves a mark.

<3D..

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