this is the end for now
9:46 a.m.

mk

hi. remember me? probably not, i mean it hasn't been that long since you fell off the face of the earth, but you do seem to switch friends a fair amount. here's the deal, and i've been working on how i feel about this (and you) for a long time now so please don't make fun of me for sounding "like the drunk girl over in the corner."

i liked you - an awful lot, but i fought it the whole way. deep down i knew that it would never work out, but i also knew how much i wanted you. what would've happened if you had stayed? we were drawn together, or at least i fell towards you. for some reason unknown to me i wanted to be around you all the time, couldn't get enough of you. and it didn't make sense - how could someone so beautiful want to even be near me? you said things that made me believe that maybe i wasn't just making it all up; things so inappropriate for some to hear that i won't write them here. our friends saw what was happening, and i didn't want a relationship anymore than you did - because i didn't want to get hurt by someone that i actually liked. i didn't want to have to hate you, ever.

you're like a drug, the way you make me feel. it was as if i were high everytime i was near you. but apparently you're also bad for me, and i don't want that to be true. but five months have come and gone since last i saw you and my lip is bleeding from biting it all the time. i can't sleep at night in anticipation that you might just say hello sometime. and when i get lonely i think of the times you gave me comfort with your presence, and all the places where your hands have been ache for more. i'm obsessing over something, someone that i will most likely never see again.

i don't know if you have any clue of what you did to me. apparently you wouldn't care either way since you can't even respond to a simple "hi." that's just fucking rude, and i don't need that shit.

so maybe i'll see you some day, if you ever decide to come to visit. but don't expect me to come running at the first site of you.

because i can't do this anymore, it hurts too much.

love you always

-rach

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