i could never truly explain it...bu i love it in some way
6:42 p.m.

Dear ___________,

"Sometimes when I think of you, I just want to cry."

Truer words have never come out of my mouth.

I do want to cry sometimes when I think of you. I want to cry and never stop.

Because I watch you. I watch you living your life day by day...or at least, I watch what I can see through the window of our times together...and I see what it is that you need, and I want to give it to you. But I know I can't....because I am not right. It's not me. You need somebody else.

So I just get to watch.

You're one of those guys, you know. One of those guys that could make me do just about anything. One of those guys that makes me crazy sometimes...crazy, and self destructive, and violent...there haven't been very many guys like that for me. And in the past it's always been very mild...a sort of mediocre loss of control....but, sometimes, when I look at you...or I think about you....I just want to hurl myself at your feet and beg you to let me live in your shadow.

How pathetically sad.

Maybe when I look at you and I want to cry....I really just want to cry for myself....

I don't know.

Love,

__________________

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