Race...to the finish
9:58 a.m.

Dear __________,

I had forgotten what it felt like to connect. To connect for real...accidentally...completely...without warning. I had forgotten that there were other people in the world that have ideas and dreams and hopes, some of which might even mirror my own. For so long I had forgotten that. I've been spending so much of my time on you...on what makes you happy...on what I might be able to do for you. I've been wrapped up in telling myself that I didn't need anything more than this quasi-friendship...this hidden lust...this desperate secret love...I actually convinced myself that I wasn't worthy of any more than this.

Because it seems I had forgotten who I really am...and now it's come to this. I remember. I remember having friends who really liked me and expressed such in words and actions so that I always felt wanted and never ever felt this uncertainty...this doubt. I remember being a complete person even when I was completely alone...and I remember being loved. Yes, I remember that. And it's strange to me that it wasn't even that long ago. I remember being loved. And I didn't even have to struggle for it. It came easy.

So, like I said, it's come to this. I remember, and I can't believe I ever forgot...and well, things are seriously going to be different from now on. It's not like I can just walk away from you forever, I still want this friendship. I still think we have moments to share in the future that are going to be as perfect as some of the moments we've had in the past.

But I am not going to sit quietly anymore. I am not going to go the extra mile and a half that I have been going, while you just remain stationary and wait for the world to revolve around you. And I don't think that you're going to be my only friend anymore.

No....definitely not.

Still yours, even now...

_______________

<< - >>

how this works
add your entry
current letter
older letters
guestbook
notify list
profile
email
host
lex