help
9:37 p.m.

i know on the outside i say everythings ok, that im just stressed, tired. everyone believes that because its true. but its more than that. im not ok. i havent been in a long time. i wish theyd listen to me. im crying out for help and no one is listening. i suppose they think im just going through a phase. im a little old for that now (being that im in college and such) and to be honest, ive felt this way since i was little. but its just getting worse. much worse. i think about suicide atleast twice a day now. im always just so tired, but i dont feel like sleeping. so unmotivated, so unwanting to move or think and yet i long for some activity, something to motivate or inspire me. i want to do something, but i feel at a loss. j tries to help me, but even he doesnt understand. i know he loves me. i love him too. but all the love in the world cant fix this dark spot that lingers inside. im starting to feel that nothing can fix it. ive tried suicide before, but i dont have teh guts to do it now. i suppose thats a good thing. but i think that thinking about it is worse than actually doing it. and living in this much pain is unbearable. i just want someone to help me. please god let someone help me.

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