Dear Cupid
2:06 a.m.

Dear Cupid,

What the hell is wrong with you, kid? What kind of sick fuck do you think you are? You know what I'm talking about. You have royally screwed up everything, and I bet you're loving every minute of it. You're probably sitting up there on your little pink cloud, laughing your ass off while you watch me helplessly try to sort out this mess otherwise known as my love life.

I've got a guy coming at me right now that I don't love. I can hardly stand him. But do I tell him that? No. Why? You know why. Because he's the ONLY guy that you've thrown in my path who thinks I'm attractive. He's the ONLY guy you've thrown in my path who is not deathly afraid that his friends will be seen with me, the only guy you've sent my way who's gag reflex doesn't act up when he thinks of kissing me. In fact, he's the only guy you've thrown at me who has truly loved me. He has given me everything I could ever want. He is perfect. So why the hell do you make this the one guy I don't like?

Geez, Cupid. You KNOW I get a crush on just about any guy who even SMILES at me. Why don't I have a crush on this one? Oh how I hate you, you twisted little bastard.

Oh, but that's not all, is it? You had to take the cake with this one, didn't you? Couldn't stop until you'd made me so miserable I don't even feel it anymore. Do you hear that, Cupid? I don't feel anymore. Anything. And it's all your fault. I hope you're happy. So let's review what else was on your agenda of ruining my life for no apparant reason.

Oh yeah--there was that little making me fall for my best friend who also happens to be gay thing. I completely forgot about that one. NOT.

You know, you could have stopped the joke at the beginning. You could have stopped it when I told him that I liked him, and he told me we were just friends. I should have known you were too kind then, because it didn't hurt. I felt like I didn't lose anything that night, everything was still perfect. And it didn't hurt. You didn't fulfill your goal, so you had to take it one step further, didn't you?

He revealed the rest of your twisted little plan to me tonight. He told me how he felt. He told me that he loved me. And that he wishes he was straight. So he could be with me. After that, he revealed that even though he wishes it would happen, it never would. And never will. And then he went on to talk about the guy he has a crush on.

Cupid, you KNOW I don't have a problem with gay guys. Why the fuck are you trying to screw that up for me? What is your problem? Do you get enjoyment out of your sick little 'games'?

It's like everything I don't want comes hurtling down my path, and my every hope and dream is crushed beneath your fist. What, am I going to have to pull reverse psychology on you or something? Hell, it's worth a try, the results couldn't be more screwed up than things are now.

I don't want anybody to love me. I don't want anybody to hold me in their arms. I don't want anybody to look into my eyes and feel an unexplainable warmth. I don't want somebody who I can talk to about *anything* without fearing that I will lose them. I don't want any guy to find me attractive, and I don't want any guy to smile when he thinks of me. I don't want anybody to enjoy my company, I don't want anybody who is willing to look past my looks and see me for the real me. I don't want any of it, none at all. If you gave me that, I would be the most miserable person in the world. Do you hear me? It would be horrible, Cupid, just horrible. So don't even think about it.

-Buttercup

P.S. Valentine's day is coming soon--and I especially don't want anybody around that time.

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