Drowning
7:30 p.m.

Dear ______,

Maybe it is my fear of being alone that leads me here, to write a letter you will never read. We have been together off and on for a long time now. Even now, when I look into your eyes I don't have anything I wish to say. All the trust that has been broken cannot be repaired and it is entirely my fault the way our relationship is now. The affairs I had were mere glimpses of the way I wish you were. You were right when you said that loving someone is not expecting them to change. And how I wished you would change. I'm afraid to let go because I will be losing the one good thing I had in my life. I suppose I deserve this as I am the cause of your suffering. I should just let you live your life so you may find someone who really does love you in a healthy way. I am far too gone mentally and I am so tired of fighting for something when it is already too late to fix what I have destroyed. I do love you but it is not enough for me to stay. What hurts me the most, is knowing that I am hurting you. When you give me that same old look of despair it's like a thousand daggars piercing my heart. I am not worthy to have a love like yours, in fact, I deserve to drown in the lonliness I created. Always know you were never second best, it was I who could not handle anyone actually loving me. I wonder what death is like every day. Surely it must be better than this life I have made for myself, which as you know, isn't much of a life. I used to not be this way. Depression has widdled down what little life I had left. Goodbye and may your life only get better as I am sure it will without me in it.

Love,

Me

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