good enough
8:30 p.m.

Lesley,

I'm sorry that I've been unusually cruel to you since Halloween.

My paranoid, the-world-revolves-around-me, delusions convinced me you were out to get me because of how I got everyone to hate you and maybe it's true and maybe it's not, but I don't have the energy to think that way anymore.

And the things of done to get back at you and you probably don't even know about most of them.

I willfully and purposefully fucked around with the guy you were madly in love with. Even though you don't know this for certain, every time we were in your presence we made you think we were together.

And now I'm blaming you for making Jake fall in love with you?!? What sense does that make really. I did it all to myself.

I know there's part of him that's still in love with me--I mean, my God, he hasn't dated anyone else seriously since he met me. But again, this could be my world-revolves-around-me delusions again.

I am miserable.

I am alone.

And in the meantime, you've found love in the person I couldn't admit I was in love with.

So, I lost. I concede.

I need to move on and away from all of this theatre trauma-drama.

I just wonder what would happen if you found out he tried to fuck Katie a couple of months ago. And I wonder who are you sleeping with if it isn't Jake?

I'm sure you don't know he told me he isn't having sex with you.

And that I have a long memory--remember that I never game? Or maybe I'm not paranoid and you really are fucking with me whether or not you are in love with him doesn't really matter does it?!?

Because maybe I deserve it just as much as you deserve it.

I suppose I would feel bitter and hostile towards the one person who nearly succeeded in ruining my life and causing all of my friends to hate me.

I'd seek a little revenge to.

Because after all, I still have the friends and you just have a cheating jack-ass boyfriend who really wasn't good enough for me anyhow.

ahhh...i feel much better now

~protoplast

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