why
12:02 a.m.

Dear you know who,

why can't i get past the fact that we can't and will not be together... why does it drive me crazy whenever you mention another girl... why do i still love you with every bit of my heart... why am i sitting here talking to you but wishing i was with you, in your arms, being held by you... why... why... why... why can't it be what i want it to be... why can't you love me anymore... why do you still think of her when she's hurt you so many times... why is she still on your mind and in your heart sometimes... i mean i've never hurt you... i've never said i would call and not call or return your calls for weeks at a time... why did you once say you loved me more than you have ever loved anyone before, yet later on i come to find out that whole time you STILL loved her deep down... why were you willing to give her a second chance... why not me... why do i let you affect me so much... why does it matter to me what you think about things i do and say... why am i not ever on your mind anymore... why do you say you want me and act like you do, but only in the physical sense... why can't i affect you emotionally... why can't i touch your heart anymore... why do i spend countless nights crying because i said or did something that upset you... why does that matter to me... why do i think and talk about you 24/7... why do i get upset when i go one day without talking to you... why does your voice still send shivers (good ones) through my body everytime i hear it... why do you always say stuff to make me smile and make me want you even more... why don't you treat me like dirt so that i can finally move past you... WHY... WHY... WHY... answer me those questions... explain to me those things... because to this day i love you more than anything... i would do anything to make you happy... i would never hurt you just as i never have... it's been 4 months since you last told me you loved me... it's been 4 months since you last kissed me with meaning... it's been 4 months since we were together... i almost wish you weren't apart of my life anymore because that would make everything so much easier on me and then i would just have my memories of you, but instead you're still here... you're always here... you're here for me, yet you don't want to be with me... will you please love me again or will you please leave and not return just so that my heart can finally find rest and peace... but i don't want you to leave, believe me i really don't, but if that's what has to happen than i understand, but always remember... you were my first love... and i will always love you no matter what... and i do want to thank you for those wonderful memories... those fabulous kisses that made me feel like i was floating on air... those sweet little words you would say in my ear... so thank you for everything... thank you for teaching me so much about myself, for showing me so many things, for just being you... i love you

Love always and forever ~your little giggles~

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