my love...
9:21 p.m.

mark,

throughout the past two years, our relationship has been bounbing up and down. lately..its been down though. there are so many things that i wish you knew...things i never told you. things i never told anyone...

i've loved you forever. since the very day i met you. i noticed you right away because of your red hair. ive always loved red hair..wished my hair was red. and i didnt know anybody and you were there, at my science table. and you just made me laugh so easily. all the time. and you were so cool and sexy. and you knew everyone. and then...you were in my drama class, and we started talking. and i was in love with you. the whole time. and then you liked me too. and i had 2 months of heaven dating you.

but all fairytales must end...

i went to a bat-mitzvah one weekend and i met a hot kid named josh. i didnt like him. not like i liked you. i was just having a short obsession. because he was in love with me. and he was gorgeous. but once i told my friends about him, they started calling me a "playette" and told me i was being unfair to you. so i dumped you. out of guilt. nothing else.
,br>i still loved you. ive always loved you. and it hurt me that you got over me. and you didnt want me back. i was scared. i didnt want you to hurt me, even though i had already hurt you. i was stupid. i regret dumping you more than anything in the world. if only i could take it back...

like a stpuid 7th grade girls, i always kinda liked other guys too. one in particular...and that was kevin. so when he started liking me, i went out with him. and i liked him a lot. but there was always you. me and kevin didnt last through the summer...he wasnt right for me. not like you.

we hung out a lot over the summer. you me roxy robert. we had so much fun. and we started 8th grade with a fresh friendship. but then..i just wanted you. and every time i looked at you, every time i spoke to you, i just wanted you more. i wanted you to put your arms around me to keep me warm. i wanted you to whisper sweet words in my ear. i wanted to be albe to call you mine. to hold your hand. to kiss your lips. everything. but then kevin asked me out again..and i didnt think i would ever have a chance with you, so i dated him.

i remember vividly one day you walking past me and kevin as we stood talking after school. kevin made a sad face and i asked him what was wrong. he told me that you two werent friends anymore. when i asked why he said that he thought you liked me and then we went out, so he hated him for it. that did it for me. i couldnt bear to date kevin. i only love you. just you. forever.

and now, after two years of loving you and wanting you, you date chelsea. shes only like you for a few months. she doesnt love you like i do. she doesnt remember every conversation you ugys have vividly. she doesnt notice every mark on your face, every quirk in your speech.

i remember talking to you about her a long time ago. when she first started liking you. i liked you too, of course, but i asked you if you liked chelsea. do you remember your response. you said "eww i could never think of her like that." and the she stopped liking you. but decided to ask you out. and you said yes. how could this happne. is chelsea better than me? gosh i feel so inferior.

when i see you two together, i want to cry a million tears. i want to grab you and shake you and say...

can't you see that i love you? dont you see that i spend every waking minute thinking of you? cant you see that i need you? i want you? why can't you just love me? just give me a chance! notice me! god!

but i dont have that courage. and now, ive hooked up with your best friend. just because hes good looking and im depressed that i cant have you...hes whats closest. and today was the first time weve really talked. in a long long time. but it was different. you were just being playful, having fun. you had no idea that inside i was loving you. and just by talking to me you had made me feel so wonderful. so special inside.

i know you will never read this letter. sometimes i wish you might just stumpble on it...see it...i dotn know. i seem to have the dillusion that you might like me if you knew how much i loved you. but..like i said...its a dillusion.

i love you forever. dont ever forget me. you will live in my heart forever.

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