Another kiss
5:19 p.m.

J-

I want to be within your arms, held close, hearing your heart beat, feeling gentle kisses against my head. I think of the kisses we've shared, how I always pulled away when i thought it was too much, but we both felt it wasn't enough. Maybe I missed my chance, maybe I never had one. What makes me yearn for you so greatly? Or maybe it's not you I'm yearning for, but for that wonderful feeling that comes with interaction with another person, those great feelings that come with gentle kisses and passionate ones. When I hold onto your hands so tight because I'm afraid I'm going to loose myself in the heat of the moment, and when I come out of the daze I was in, I'm still lost in some bliss, lost in your kiss...

It's torture, glancing at you, these thoughts of wanting more... maybe not even a relationship... just something more then just laughs and hugs. I want kisses and warmth. I think this idealism of you would be shattered though, if I say these words to you, if I could ever say these words to you. You never do want to talk about anything deep... I wish you would, but I'm glad you don't, because then I'd be so strung out over you... I'd be so torn up by you. I know I'm not though, because those lack of deep conversation we share. I know if I did open up more to you, or if you opened up more to me, I'd be so... in love with you. So please don't, please don't share those deep thoughts with me... keep this superfical feel, because I can't stand being broken again, because all you want is friendship and I'm dying a kiss.

I wonder if you'd agree if I ever told you that. Should I say those words? Should I ask? It's a group of things that makes me hesitate in telling you. Rejection, that feeling that I'm giving a part of you I shouldn't like I'm cheaping a kiss, the fact that we've always been weird in our relationship, why make it weirder? Then... there's those why I should, because it just feels so nice. I could find it some where else, I know that... but there is no one I'm more willing to kiss then you.

I should just give it up. Thanks for never reading this.

-X

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