low self-esteem
1:38 a.m.

Dear Colin,

I say most everything I want to say to you when I need to say it. Usually because I'm drunk and/or very tired.

But you represent something much more to me than our relationship.

Mike said it best, "bring girls with low self-esteem for Colin!"

And I thought, "oh my god, I'm one of those girls."

But Mike doesn't see it in me. He sees that I'm strong and independent and full of confidence. I don't think he even knows I had sex with you.

I know this is all a facade. And when I heard you had been "hanging out" with Nisha, all I could think about was how much prettier than me she was, even though how clearly stupid she was was at the forefront of my discussion with Katie & Mike. I mean really, "what's Trivial Pursuit?" You have got to be fucking kidding me.

Still, she's exotic and most of all--very thin.

And I think you need to date stupid girls because you yourself are pretty dumb.

I know you aren't "the one", you are not very dateable by my standards, and yet, when you asked what I was doing for afterbar, I got butterflies in my stomach and blamed it all on Katie for having to go home.

I won't tell you any of this. Heaven forbid I let my guard down just a little. Heaven forbid I let anyone know how low my self-esteem really is.

Maybe it's because you do hide behind this facade of coolness that I'm so drawn to you. Waiting for your call every night.

Willing to compromise the majority of my "must-have" list just feel you inside of me again.

All of me,

~protoplast

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