PLeaSe, DaMNiT.
12:43 a.m.

Dear You,

We lie in your room. You were on your floor and my foot was perched upon your shoulder, as I comfortably reclined in your computer chair. You looked at me, oddly, then pointed to your eye.. your heart.. and then at me. Before I could respond, you had closed your eyes. You never got to see that I love you, too. And, though it was the first time you said it, I've known all along.

So why are you doing this now? Why am I sitting here, at 12:44 AM, wrapped in a faded pink afghan, waiting on you to show up at my doorstep, ring the doorbell, and bury me with kisses? I know it won't happen.

You came by earlier, you laid in the bed with me for what seemed like 5 minutes, and was actually about an hour. That's all. Just an hour. Of all the time you could've spent with me, you only give me an hour. Am I just not worth your time anymore?!

You left then. So when the phone rings 5 minutes after your foot went over the threshold, I didn't expect it to be you. But it was. And you screamed out at me "I miss you, beh-beh!" I asked you to come stay the night with me and you said yes. You said yes.

Then you told me that you'd call back. I fell asleep waiting for that call, to be awaken 2 hours later with the loud, irritating ring of that god forsaken phone--with you on the other end of that connection. That is the only reason my head rose from the pillow. And it's the only thing that could've woken me up. You told me that you and some friends were going to see The Matrix.. again.. for the fifth time tonight. You'd call me afterwards and come stay the night with me.

I wait. I cancel my plans. I don't go out. I hold the rest of my friends back. All for you. For you. So 3 and a half hours pass and you call. You're tired. You have a headache. You think you are going to just go home and sleep there. But, wait, you may want to stop by--no--you want to go home and sleep there. You will call me in the morning.

Stop playing these fucking games with me. You have my whole fucking heart. I took it away from someone else, pieced it together as well as I could, wrapped it in a pretty pink bow for aesthetics, and gave it to you, with a smile, no less. So why are you breaking it now? Why are you acting like we have the rest of our lives when, in fact, we have 2 weeks left before college calls you away from me and Paducah calls me away from you. Why, damnit, WHY?!

I trust you, with my whole being. Don't break that. Just listen to me when I say that I won't accept that from you, and neither will my heart. It's been trampled too many times. I've played the games and I gave them up for you. I could easily be tossing your heart around like a hot potato, too, but I'm not. I give up every waking moment that you want from me. I watch movies until 2 AM, waiting on a call, a visit, a fucking e-mail. I blow off my friends. I move out of my mother's house for 3 weeks for you.

Do you not see me standing here? Am I invisible? Will this ever end?

Just love me. Please, damnit.

<3<3 Your Beh-Beh

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