how fucked up am I?
5:51 p.m.

Hey Boy,

Lately it feels like you're my only friend, the only person who really gets me. We're similar in so many ways it seems inevitable that we'd get so close. Every time we hang out I'm surprised all over again. I have so much fun with you. We could sit and do nothing and I'd still have the time of my life. You make me free and happy and giddy and really I don't know what I'd do without you.. except that you also make me sad. You hold my hand and run your fingers up and down my arms. You draw me close and kiss me oh so softly.. and you write these amazingly sweet entries about how much you care. How when you're with you wish those moments could stretch out into forever and how you feel empty without me. You write about how you wish I felt the same way..

And I just wanted to say that I wish I felt the same way too. For anyone. Because sometimes I want to feel so badly. Feel anything for anyone. But I can't. I'm numb and cold and I don't know if that will ever change. So even though I feel bad about how much you care.. I'm also kinda jealous that you can.

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