you're sleeping, but i'm awake
10:33 p.m.

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I'd like to start by saying that I knew it from the start. I knew you'd shake things up. I knew you would make things different. And I knew, from that first moment, that I would love you so much that it would keep me awake nights, and it does. I am lost. You're mine, but you're not mine. I want you, and I have you, but it isn't meant to be, really. You're not really here. I feel convenient, I feel like I'm in love's limbo, and, yes, sometimes I feel a little used. A little taken advantage of, but how can I complain when I let it happen? I want it to happen. And so it does. But it's only because I love you...because I want you to be happy, and I want to be the one that makes you that way. I am truly in a bind. Because sometimes, for a moment no longer than a breath, I think maybe this never should have happened...we should not have come together the way that we have...and that thought feels treacherous, it feels like it could crumble cities and cause volcanoes to erupt. But my love for you is like moonshine, hash oil, black tar heroine....it's raw and pure and it fucks me up every time, because I know that you love me, but I also know that it's not the same. And it can never be the same. It wasn't meant to be anyway, it's just one more thing I reached for that I couldn't quite grab.

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