just a sad little girl
12:47 a.m.

The only way I can admit this is anonymously.

I couldn't tell you how insecure I really am, how insecure I can be, how irrational my fears can be sometimes. It goes against every image I ever wanted to create of myself.

I can feel my eyes start to well up.

I just wanted to say that I was afraid, but of what, I'm not sure.

I'm just afraid of being left behind, or being tossed aside for something better. I never plan for the long term unless I'm thinking about all possible worst case scenarios. I would never dream of imagining something good for myself.

And I know we're really not all that compatible, but we make good friends. I want to write please don't leave me but then I just feel like a sad little girl, begging for a boy not to leave her; the little girl everybody hates for being so weak and so sad and so insecure.

I try not to be, honestly I do. It's just...I don't think I could take being thrown aside again. I don't think my heart can stand it. And my heart, you see, it's so sad already. It wants to trust people all the time, and to just be happy, but as you can see, that doesn't always work out so well. Because I know I'm not perfect, or extraordinarily beautiful, or extraordinarily intelligent or talented, and that sometimes, I get a little ditzy and a little emotional and sappy and all around girlish, and I just hope that doesn't make me any less of a person for you.

I try the best I can.

<< - >>

how this works
add your entry
current letter
older letters
guestbook
notify list
profile
email
host
lex