today's diary entry
9:17 a.m.

E-

I'm okay with things today. I feel better. I feel as though I am coming to an understanding of the way things are, and the way things have to be.

You love me, but you can't love me...at least, not anymore. Well, I guess I can live with that. It was a beautiful thing there for a while, and I enjoyed myself immensely...and, when it comes down to it, even if it can't continue it was still worth everything that I gave up. It was still worth it.

I've grown so much, even though I still have so much more to learn. I have come to an understanding with myself...and every day it gets better. I'm still sad, though, still upset...and when I think too much on what we had but can't have anymore I still feel that echoing ache, that residual after-effect of heartbreak. But it's okay. It's better now, too. I suppose the more broken your heart is, the more you know that you were really, truly in love. And that means a lot to me. To know for certain that it was real.

I'm not going to be angry anymore. I'm not going to be resentful or disgusted. Because, though many people have told me that this isn't so, sometimes things just are the way they are...and no amount of banging your head against the wall will fix it.

And I am greatful to you. For the things you've done, for the things you still do everyday...and for all the things you taught me. I've learned a lot. And though at first I thought that losing your love was going to take away a piece of me...I think it really only made me more whole.

I get closer all the time.

-DRM

( http://itconsumesme.diaryland.com )

<< - >>