hoping this reaches someone
9:52 p.m.

To the family I lost:

You're gone. For good. Forever. You were my whole world, and then in the blink of an eye you were gone and it was my own fault. It was my fault because I left you. I packed my bags, and I walked out that door, and I left you there to wonder why I'd left. I had my reasons...they're just reasons you'll never understand. Sometimes I don't even understand them myself, but what really kills me is that maybe I'll never see you again, and maybe you'll never know how much I really, truly loved you all with all of my heart and soul. I loved you so much...I would have laid down my life for any of you. But I had to make a choice. I chose love, I chose my life, and maybe it was a selfish and fickle thing...but I can't change the past, and what's done is done. You're all gone, and he's sleeping on the couch wishing I was someone I'm not. I guess that's what happens to people...they make their decisions, and then they live with them. They're not all good, and things don't always turn out the way we thought they would...but life continues and all we can do is live it. I just wanted you all to know that on long, rainy nights like this one I miss you...I remember so much of you, and yet there's so much that I made myself forget for so long. Sometimes it comes back to me, and I cry, and I feel this regret well up inside of me until I can't even see past it. But, what can I do? You're gone, I wouldn't know where to look to beg for forgiveness...and I wouldn't deserve it anyway. I deserve what I've got...which is nothing much these days.

Your daughter/sister,

D

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