ride a wave.
6:39 p.m.

z-

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As much as a part of me wants to, I can't be friends with you. At the beginning of summer I couldn't have asked for more and it was great. We were great, everything was great. Unfortunately after that things took a rather large turn for the worst and rather than jump ship, I decided to stick around because I wanted so much for it to be cool again. This and that happened, things were done, and in the end I realized that the whole thing was fucked up and could never go back to how I wanted it to be again.

That time between a little while into august and final closure between us were some of the worst days of my life. Do you know what it's like to know about everything that's going on and trying not to care about it, pretending not to know, convincing yourself that it doesn't matter and that it could have been worse? That's what every single day was like. At one point I just stopped caring about everything because no matter what I did or said it would always end up being me who somehow fucked it up.

Why didn't you just end it before you decided to cheat on me? What the fuck were you thinking when you did that? Was it better for you if you knew that you could painfully humiliate and degrade me and my reputation? Fuck, you could have just broken up with me, done whatever the fuck you wanted and then maybe we could still be friends and I wouldn't hate you so much that I have a minor aneurism everytime I'm somehow reminded of you.

You were an interesting person and I used to really like talking to you but then you became a totally different person who would lie to me constantly and make me feel like shit. That day on our two month anniversary was the fucking worst. I can't believe that shit. Pure fucking shit. It makes me sick to think how I had been looking forward to seeing you that day.

'Sorry' can't take back shit. 'Sorry' is a stupid fucking word that people use when they've got nothing better to say. I don't know what you expect me to do, be best friends with you, fuck you, or pretend nothing ever happened. They're all pretty fucking unlikely.

Maybe in a long, long, time I'll talk to you less indirectly. MSN at the absolute most. You can read my webpage if you want to even though it's not done yet.

I just can't fucking believe what happened. I really fucking can't. God, I'm not typing another fucking word here or I swear I'll have a fucking stroke.

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