Maybe...
8:26 p.m.

Letter to no one, and myself,

It's gotten to the point that I don't even know... I don't Need her, capitol N, yet... I still want her around. (adding the 'around', specifically.) I'm not even sure if I miss her. RIght now I don't remember what it's like. I guess this is what it's like for her. Only in the fact that she knows that she has a best friend somewhere, but that the best friend is just background. The fact that she knows, or feels, her best friend isn't on of those characters you see onscreen all the time, but that she's important. She doesn't have to sit &wonder what the best friend is doing, if she's sleeping right now, or when her next game is. She doesn;t have to constantly think about it. There's nothing to think about anymore. Maybe there never was.

I remember what it was like to miss her so much. More the feeling than anything. I rememebr the reasons but not why I believed 'em. Maybe I was trying to fool myself. I dunno. At the time I only thought of her, and how crappy life felt when she was gone. Especially if she was happy. Without me.

There's a side of herI'll never know. As soon as I thought I had her all figured out... Maybe it's me. That's probably it. Maybe I'm the only person who ever cared or missed their friend this much. Maybe, just maybe, friendships weren't supposed to be like that, for whatever reason. I thought it was normal, but that's what I get, right? "Just don't think," you'd say.

There was a time when my heart felt so empty when she was gone. WHen she didn't call. When she didn't show. Now? After so long I don't even know. I've never thought of her so much, yet though so little. My heart feels like a screen's around it, like nothing can get in anymore, and nothing can come out. It feels likghter this way. A little safer, too. So maybe it's a good thing she's gone. Maybe. But maybe I wouldn't complain.. if she decides to come back.

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