I hope he wants ya cause he's got ya
12:13 a.m.

To Devon,

After all is said and done, there's only one thing that I know for sure. I am in love with you, all the way. If there was ever any doubt about that the shit is gone. I didn't even think that I could be hurt this badly, I never have before. The worst is definitely the lies. The last couple of times we've spoken I was out of character, the rage in me was never at such a level. I'm past rage, but even now you consume my every thought. I've read everything I could find that you wrote, including the ones here without your name. After a hundred pages I know your words. You love him because he's not me, really cute Devon. Does he love you? I bet he says so, some have no problem throwing around those words. I bet you don't know where he was 3:00 in the morning twelve days from that mothers day(you remember the one where you introduced me to your new mother.) Think back, it was only weeks ago, you don't know do you? Just like you, I guess he loved you so much he had to fuck someone else. And before you just dismiss that I want you to consider how many times I've ever lied to you. You see, I can trace it back to the start of all the problems between you and me. It was the first night you didn't come home. You know what you did, despite how you've decided to remember it. I knew what you'd been doing and it all came to a head that night. I never again looked at you the same, that was the night when you were no longer my girl. I no longer trusted you, and my respect for you dwindled with every inconsistancy in your words from then on, and to the point we're at now. You betrayed me. You lied on a daily basis I'm sure from day one somehow. You denied truths straight to my face in the strictist of confidence. All those tears you cried on my shoulder were over shit I had no idea about, that's why you would cry harder every time I consoled you isn't it? I'm over there like everybody else you involve yourself with trying to play the hero, and I didn't even know what the fuck I was talking about. I bet you cry for him just like that too, don't you? After all it always made for good foreplay for us, right? What i guess it all boils down to is you conned me, afterall you learned how from the pros. The girl I fell in love with isn't any more real than the love between you and that dirtbag. So you see there can be no reconciliation for you live a lie. I wanted to give you benefit of the doubt so bad, that I just went ahead and did. In spite of what I was told about you, in spite of the fact that I knew you were lying to me; I just didn't know what about. I belived you when you said you had only been with one guy, I belived you when you said you'd never eaten pussy, I belived you when you denied having some kind of sexual encounter with every person that so much as bought you a cup of coffee(or a watch.) Well anyway you were always so curious of the life Nanjean lived, now you know; is it everything you had hoped?The devil has his hold on you(i'll pause while you laugh.) I know Jesus is real because if for no other reason we can't cut through this bullshit world by ourselves. And yes, if there's still any doubt in your mind at this point, this is me; talking to you in this pathetic fashion because its all I can even handle.

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