twice shy
3:50 p.m.

Hey,

I'm sorry about this, but I seem to be kind of falling for you. I really didn't mean to, and I'm not sure where it's come from. I'm so busy second-guessing myself over here that my mind's a mess. I decided it was better to ignore it until it goes away, but I find myself trying to get your attention anyway.

You're a friend, have been for almost a year now and I think it could get better. And I swear I didn't feel like this two weeks ago. I know by now that you _can_ ruin a friendship this way. So I'm sorry. If I get too close or seem to follow you around, I'm sorry. If I suddenly start avoiding you, I'm sorry. If something happens or something doesn't - if you're straight, or if you're gay but don't like me that way - if I mess myself up over this and never speak a word to you, I'm sorry.

I think what I hate the most about this part is the way I really can't tell if I've got anything to work with. You came looking for me when I left last night. Does that mean something? I think you'd do it for any of us. You seem to like my company. More than the others'? Somehow I doubt it. I know you were worried when I was falling apart last week, but wouldn't you worry about any of your friends?

I think you're pretty and I'd like to take your hand, so perhaps I'll sit on the other side of the room tonight. I've been burned quite badly and it's only now I'm starting to think I could heal from it - but I didn't count on falling for a friend. I was planning on a short-term girlfriend and some clubbing, a bit of experimentation and some fun. I don't really want to do it this way.

So, sorry, if things get weird from now on. I want you to know that I fought it. I think I might already be too lost, but I'm trying.

- rather more yours than I wanted to be,

me

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