if i got to talk to you
11:21 a.m.

Dear H,

There was a cute guy who sent me secret admirer� who called me 10 o clock in the morning to say he�d just woken up and his first thought was of me� who asked for a kiss just before we met up the first time properly� who bought me a present from Spain and wouldn�t tell me what because he wanted to surprise me. I don�t miss you because I don�t know who you are anymore. But I miss him.

I�m past caring at this stage, I think. You called me yesterday, presumably to make up, but I was out and couldn�t talk, so I said I�d call back later and gave you a time. When I called at that time, it went to voicemail. You knew I�d be calling then and you still wasn�t around to pick up. Then I think, maybe I imagined that you�d called me. Maybe that call was just in my head.

I only gave that chance, put in that extra bit of effort because I�m a nice person (too nice according to some of my mates). If I�d given into my mind, I would�ve cut off ages ago, when half of me was screaming at me to get out of this situation. Anytime someone hurts me more than once, my first response is always an impulse to cut them off or run. It�s because I feel if they�ve made the same mistake twice, they�re not learning and they won�t change. And it�ll become a cycle of hurt� and I won�t even think about letting it get to that stage.

But I never hold a grudge, it�s just not in me to. I�ll forgive but they just have to stay away from me, I don�t want to know them anymore.

I thought all we needed was the chance to talk. But every time I call, you're not there. Now I�m tired of trying. I give up. I will respond if you call, you know where I am if you ever make up your mind or work up your courage.

xXx

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