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8:02 a.m.

Dear Mr. "I'm So Kickass!"'

I�m living in this relationship as each day might be the last. I can�t help but feel like he might leave me. After all you left me with a broken heart, who�s to say he won�t do the same? I wasn�t looking to fall in love; on the contrary, I only wanted to get my life back in order. I wanted the whirlwind of emotions to die off so I could go back.

I realize how silly that sounds� I wanted to go back. Why in the world would I want to take a step back? But there was a time that I was happy, genuinely happy, even when you weren�t there. Granted, I never stopped thinking about you. How could I? You are and always will be the love of my life. They say when you find that person you just �KNOW�. Well my love, I found you, I just can�t have you, and I can�t take a single step back.

So I�ll go forward. And I�ll love him as best I can all things considering. He knew what I was going through from the beginning. And still he wouldn�t give up on me. And though I�m scared that he may break my heart, I won�t give up on him either. He is by far the best thing that has ever happened to me. I love him very much.

When your world falls apart I won�t be there. I can�t be there. I refuse to be there. You�ve dug your own grave so just lay in it. If you need help pouring the dirt lemme know and I�ll bring a shovel. But don�t think for one second I�ll be there to pull you out. From now on you�ll be a memory buried in the corner of my mind.

I�m moving forward in leaps and bounds. And ever so slowly the pain you left will fade away and so will the uncertainty. Then I can stop being so afraid of life and love. Then I can stop feeling like today may be the last�

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