Don't know if you've read it yet, but...
7:51 p.m.

Joe:

Let me preface this by saying that the main reason for this is because writing is the only way I am really able to organize thought anymore. Both a blessing and a curse, really. And I�m not the type to barge into Happy Hour and demand that I speak with you, and, frankly, I really don�t have that right because I was never your girlfriend (and, yes, I know that). But, if like all of that talk that you gave me, you do indeed want to be friends, there are some things I need to say � not for you, really � but for me.

First, let me say that everything I have said up to this point has been completely true. I do understand, and I don�t think you are a jerk. Between my romantic history (or lack thereof) and yours, any third-rate psychic could have seen this coming � and I did � thus my comments to you as you walked me home from the first happy hour (not that I�d expect you to remember due to all of the alcohol you imbibed, but I did mention that with my luck, you�d soon tell me that you just wanted to be friends, and though your insisting otherwise seemed honest, it was still hard to believe) � but, just because it seemed highly likely that things would end up this way, it doesn�t make it any easier. Metaphorically, it�s like someone giving me the ability to play guitar for two weeks and then taking it away � even though the two weeks were entirely too good to be true, it�s difficult to accept that things have to go back to the way they were before, because I wasn�t as happy before. Or, at least, I hadn�t been for quite some time. Just like you said that you don�t want to be just another guy on my jerk list, I don�t want to be just another girl that you couldn�t bring yourself to care about, but that�s just something that I�m going to have to live with.

I re-iterate that I�m not mad. Disappointed, perhaps. Angry, no. Mostly, I �m sad for you. Because you couldn�t even give a legitimate chance (let�s face it, one date, 3 nights at the bar, and several phone calls that were beginning to sound as rehearsed as your Ruby Tuesday�s welcoming probably is isn�t really a legitimate chance by any standard) to someone like me. Now, that�s not to say that I think I�m a particularly amazing catch � were that true, it would be as easy for me to walk out of the bar with a potential hook-up as it is for you. However, the fact that you couldn�t give a chance to someone who paid attention to the things that you said you disliked in your past relationships, someone who could deal with the fact that you�re friends with a lot of pretty girls, someone who didn�t demand that you call all the time and didn�t freak out when you didn�t, someone who did their best to make sure that they weren�t doing anything to make you unhappy because they like(d) you as a friend and as more � that is sad. Because if you can�t find it in yourself to give someone like that a chance, when you meet the kinds of girls who are everything that you need and desire, it will be hard to give even them a chance because you will probably be quite near insatiable, or already there.

I wish that I hadn�t spent so much time over-analyzing anything and everything about my life, because maybe things like this would just roll off my back instead of polluting my mind. I really wish that I could be the strong person who just doesn�t care, or at least does a damn fine job of acting like they don�t, but I�m sorry, because I�ve tried, but I�m just no good at pulling off that kind of bullshit. Which, by the way, I still don�t want from you. Nor do I want you to feel obligated to be nice to me or have concern about me, unless it�s genuine. I�m beginning to see that I waste too much time on people who are being kind to me out of a sense of obligation or some such crap, and I don�t want or need that from anyone, let alone from a friend.

I�m certain that it must seem like I�m making a big damn deal out of something that occurred for a mere two weeks. But, the thing is that I�ve known you for longer than that, and over the summer you were (and still are) one of my favorite people to talk to. And even though things can�t go back to being exactly like that, I do still want you in my life, even if that role is one of a friend. This isn�t designed to make you feel bad, or as some sort of �please change your mind� plea. This is designed to make circumstances easier for me, and to keep communication open and honest. You can do whatever you want with this � burn it, keep it, ignore it, take it to heart, whatever. Just make sure to do what you want.

<3 Me

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